Hey best friend.
It’s been way too long since I have met you. And yes, I know, the physical distance between us doesn’t really matter, as we’ve grown up this way, but I don’t think I have ever missed you this much.
Everything is just going downhill. And no matter how upbeat and positive I try to keep myself, being the micawber that I am, I’m not sure I’m really happy.
There are so many things that I have no idea how to deal with. I know we share everything, but this just feels like too much burden to put on you, when I know that you’ve got hundreds of problems of your own. Problems that are way too serious than mine. How could I ever let you know that the person you’ve always looked to for strength, is losing her own. How could I let you know that the person you think so highly of, is losing herself.
I don’t want you to know that. I still want to be the person who you think I am. This world is too incomprehensible for me. I don’t understand how it works. All I understand is that it constantly pushes me and pulls me down, simultaneously, and day by day, it’s getting harder to rise above all of it. I don’t wanna have a meltdown, and I don’t wanna give up. But it looks like I’ll have to.
I won’t tell this to anyone, and I know if I tell you, you’ll be there for me in a heartbeat, but I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want you to see me being so vulnerable. I promise I’ll be back to normal in no time. This thing that I have going on in my brain is too depressing, and I don’t like it. I wanna rise above it all. I wanna let go of everything that is hurting me, let go of everyone who has taken me for granted. I couldn’t do it before, but I think I finally can.
I did not have the courage to tell this to you to your face, but I hope you’ll forgive me for that. I know you will, because I know that no matter who leaves, you won’t. I’m gonna get over this because of you, and for that, I can’t thank you enough.
I love you.