Yes, you! It’s you that I’m writing about, months later than I should have been. I’ve moved on. I am finally happy and comfortable with what I have right now and I’m not craving for more, of anything, of you.
You might not know this, and you still might not want to know this, but I was stuck. For quite a long time.
I was, what people call, a “fool” who rushed in, way too soon, with all that she had. I felt used, stupid, foolish. I mean really, who does that? Wait around for something or someone, who they know, deep in their hearts, is never coming back? Fools.
And now that I’ve been a so-called fool, I realize, I am not. I’m just a person who does not know how to put boundaries and limits on the love she has for someone.
I’m hopeless. A hopeless romantic. And maybe, you weren’t hopeless enough to handle my hopelessness. And that’s okay!
This is not a write-up about the guy who shattered my heart into pieces. This is about what a good person he was, just not the right one for me.
What we had was special, at least for me. I’d wait around the whole day just for those long night walks. I loved your song collection. I loved how you always liked the songs with a story behind them. I loved the way your hair fell over your chocolate-brown eyes sometimes, the way your smile reached your eyes, the way your deep rumbling laugh echoed in my head long after you had gone. I loved how your hand felt in mine, how your hugs sent warmth over my whole body, how your touch felt like fireworks. I loved how it never felt awkward with you, how I could always be myself with you, how I wasn’t afraid when I was with you. I loved how your presence calmed me down and made me feel at home.
And then, you left. Slowly, yet all at once. I couldn’t figure out what happened, but I didn’t have it in me to ask you. I know this might sound stupid, but that’s how I am. I have difficulty in asking people why they left, and have difficulty letting them go too. So being the kind of person I am, I held on. For way too long, I kept holding on to that rope that once connected me with you, even after it hurt my hands. Since you never told me that you have left, I kept hoping you were coming back. I ignored all the advice and warnings from my friends and kept on wishing on that little shooting star.
Time passed. Months later, I started healing. As I always do. It took me quite a long time this time, but knowing that you were happy in your life which didn’t include me, I started being happy in my own. I started appreciating myself more, I started making peace with people around me more, and most importantly, I made peace with myself.
This is not a write-up blaming you for anything. This is to thank you, for being a great teacher of a life lesson, for I now know what I want. I know what I wouldn’t settle for, thanks to you. You were one of the best things to happen to me, and now, because of you, I know there exists better. I do not hate love, nor have I put up boundaries or walls around my heart. I will still love with all my heart.
You will always be a friend to me. No matter how much my friends tell me it would hurt, it won’t. I have made peace with you, my past, and myself. I’m happy now. Thank you!