To The One Who Got Away

Hey you!

Yes, you! It’s you that I’m writing about, months later than I should have been. I’ve moved on. I am finally happy and comfortable with what I have right now and I’m not craving for more, of anything, of you.

You might not know this, and you still might not want to know this, but I was stuck. For quite a long time.

I was, what people call, a “fool” who rushed in, way too soon, with all that she had. I felt used, stupid, foolish. I mean really, who does that? Wait around for something or someone, who they know, deep in their hearts, is never coming back? Fools.

And now that I’ve been a so-called fool, I realize, I am not. I’m just a person who does not know how to put boundaries and limits on the love she has for someone.

I’m hopeless. A hopeless romantic. And maybe, you weren’t hopeless enough to handle my hopelessness. And that’s okay!

This is not a write-up about the guy who shattered my heart into pieces. This is about what a good person he was, just not the right one for me.

What we had was special, at least for me. I’d wait around the whole day just for those long night walks. I loved your song collection. I loved how you always liked the songs with a story behind them. I loved the way your hair fell over your chocolate-brown eyes sometimes, the way your smile reached your eyes, the way your deep rumbling laugh echoed in my head long after you had gone. I loved how your hand felt in mine, how your hugs sent warmth over my whole body, how your touch felt like fireworks. I loved how it never felt awkward with you, how I could always be myself with you, how I wasn’t afraid when I was with you. I loved how your presence calmed me down and made me feel at home.

And then, you left. Slowly, yet all at once. I couldn’t figure out what happened, but I didn’t have it in me to ask you. I know this might sound stupid, but that’s how I am. I have difficulty in asking people why they left, and have difficulty letting them go too. So being the kind of person I am, I held on. For way too long, I kept holding on to that rope that once connected me with you, even after it hurt my hands. Since you never told me that you have left, I kept hoping you were coming back. I ignored all the advice and warnings from my friends and kept on wishing on that little shooting star.

Time passed. Months later, I started healing. As I always do. It took me quite a long time this time, but knowing that you were happy in your life which didn’t include me, I started being happy in my own. I started appreciating myself more, I started making peace with people around me more, and most importantly, I made peace with myself.

This is not a write-up blaming you for anything. This is to thank you, for being a great teacher of a life lesson, for I now know what I want. I know what I wouldn’t settle for, thanks to you. You were one of the best things to happen to me, and now, because of you, I know there exists better. I do not hate love, nor have I put up boundaries or walls around my heart. I will still love with all my heart.

You will always be a friend to me. No matter how much my friends tell me it would hurt, it won’t. I have made peace with you, my past, and myself. I’m happy now. Thank you!

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Letter to the Best Friend

Letter to the Best Friend

Hey best friend.

It’s been way too long since I have met you. And yes, I know, the physical distance between us doesn’t really matter, as we’ve grown up this way, but I don’t think I have ever missed you this much.

Everything is just going downhill. And no matter how upbeat and positive I try to keep myself, being the micawber that I am, I’m not sure I’m really happy.

There are so many things that I have no idea how to deal with. I know we share everything, but this just feels like too much burden to put on you, when I know that you’ve got hundreds of problems of your own. Problems that are way too serious than mine. How could I ever let you know that the person you’ve always looked to for strength, is losing her own. How could I let you know that the person you think so highly of, is losing herself.

I don’t want you to know that. I still want to be the person who you think I am. This world is too incomprehensible for me. I don’t understand how it works. All I understand is that it constantly pushes me and pulls me down, simultaneously, and day by day, it’s getting harder to rise above all of it. I don’t wanna have a meltdown, and I don’t wanna give up. But it looks like I’ll have to.

I won’t tell this to anyone, and I know if I tell you, you’ll be there for me in a heartbeat, but I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want you to see me being so vulnerable. I promise I’ll be back to normal in no time. This thing that I have going on in my brain is too depressing, and I don’t like it. I wanna rise above it all. I wanna let go of everything that is hurting me, let go of everyone who has taken me for granted. I couldn’t do it before, but I think I finally can.

I did not have the courage to tell this to you to your face, but I hope you’ll forgive me for that. I know you will, because I know that no matter who leaves, you won’t. I’m gonna get over this because of you, and for that, I can’t thank you enough.

I love you.

Why So Serious?

Why So Serious?

The wind, rustling through the lush green trees,
The fragrance of the early morning cool breeze.
At a distance, the chirping birds,
Magic, that can be found, within the words.
The smell of the pages of a new book,
At strange places, a homely nook.
The way the sun rises, shines and sets,
Going through one’s old video cassettes.
The feeling of raindrops on your face,
Travelling on your own, to a far off place.
The butterflies dancing from flower to flower,
The feeling, when your favourite food, you devour.
Getting a smile from a stranger,
The last moment goal, the game changer.
The ringing sound of laughter,
Obtaining something, that you were after.
Dancing around, having fun,
The comforting smile, of a loved one.

So many beautiful things to love, so much to see.
Then why all serious, should you be?

Our world, it is full of so many surprises, so many beautiful things that we fail to notice due to the daily chaos in our heads. We have started focussing and paying attention to everything that is wrong with our world, while forgetting everything that is right with it.

We have forgotten what humour is, what love is, and how to open ourselves up. All we have started wishing for is seclusion, solitude, secrecy, and concealment, but the most important thing we are forgetting is, to live. Live our lives to the fullest, surrounded with the people who love us, care for us, and will always stand by us.

Laughter and love are the most powerful tools in the world that bring people closer. And maybe that is why, we have stopped laughing and put on our poker faces, maybe that is why we have closed our hearts to love and put up walls around it. We have done all of this just to make sure that no one can come close to us. We have become so afraid of getting hurt, that we have failed to open ourselves up to even the slightest possibility of being happy.

We have lost ourselves in the rat race and have forgotten what its like to live in the moment. All we do is worry about the future. A future that is so uncertain, that no one even knows whether there will be one.

We have surrounded ourselves with negativity. Social media, print media, news channels, everyone and everything is highlighting all the negativity. Our lives have become so accustomed to it that even the mere thought of something happy, something positive, is revolting.

It is time for us to stop for a while and relax. Take a break from our busy lives and look. Focus on everything that beautifully exists in our world, everything that is good around us. It is time to start spending time with the people we genuinely care about. We need to stop criticising everything and judging everyone.

Let us all laugh a little more, let us admire the beauty we are surrounded with. Let us not be afraid of getting hurt, and let us open ourselves to love. It is time for us to start living in the present rather than thinking about the past,or worrying about the future.

We need to take a step back from our lives that we’re living in utter pandemonium, and ask ourselves,

“Why so serious?”